The 2020 Democratic candidates as Playboi Carti lyrics
Summarizing each candidate with a single gem from Cash Carti.
The first two Democratic presidential debates took place this week, and 20 of the 24 candidates finally got to introduce themselves and their platforms to Americans not arguing on Twitter. That is objectively far too many people — it is difficult to know 20 people intimately enough to feel comfortable with them, much less 20 people who are trying to control the United States.
Lots of other websites have detailed explainers about each candidate's policy positions, but we all know there's a far more pure method of distilling each person: Playboi Carti lyrics. So we've paired each of the candidates to a Playboi Carti lyric that best represents their position in the race as it stands right now. Enjoy.
Bernie Sanders
"Woke up to niggas sounding like me" from "wokeuplikethis*"
His ideas are now being adopted wholesale by other candidates. But no biter is truly sincere.
Elizabeth Warren
"Wake up and smell the motherfuckin coffee / I’m 'bout to put these boys in a coffin” from "Long Time (Intro)"
Whether or not she wins, she's already bodied a lot of other campaigns.
Kamala Harris
"Just might call my lawyer, huh" from "EARFQUAKE"
The former California prosecutor made a lot of people call their lawyers.
Cory Booker
"I'm in the hood where niggas don't bother me" from "Middle of the Summer"
Booker is trapping hard with his friend T-Bone.
Amy Klobuchar
"I go psycho, bitch, watch me sock yo' bitch" from "R.I.P."
Former staff members accused her of emotional abuse, but she says that proves she has what it takes to... stand up to Russia.
Marianne Williamson
Kirsten Gillibrand
"That boy dead / Arm and a leg" from "No Time"
After bravely taking a stand against a senator's sexual harassment, party insiders took their revenge by torpedoing her campaign. Damn.
Pete Buttigieg
"I can't fuck with niggas" from "Had 2"
A white-on-black police shooting in the Mayor's South Bend has exposed some qWhite troublesome blind spots.
Beto O'Rourke
"This feelin' like a story that been wrote before" from "Damn Shame"
Hope newspapers are keeping "Beto Loses" headlines ready.
Julian Castro
"I guess you're not feelin' me / Not feelin' the energy" from "Flex"
He should have been a frontrunner. Then Mayor Pete happened.
Tulsi Gabbard
“I’m a soldier, damn I thought I told you” from "Magnolia"
Right-wingers love her for some reason. Maybe that's why.
Mike Gravel
"100 round drum killin' everybody" from "Choppa Won't Miss"
His campaign is run by two teenagers who tweet insults at almost every other candidate all day. Cool.
Andrew Yang
"All these hoes want cash" from "Magnolia"
MAGA freak fave Yang's pet policy proposal is Universal Basic Income: $1,000 a month for everyone. He's got a big future in the right-wing media circuit.
Jay Inslee
"I'd rather not talk about it just do that shit" from "dothatshit!"
He's one of the few candidates that puts the urgency of climate disaster front and center.