Playboi Carti
Oval office photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images, Carti photo by Micaiah Carter
The first two Democratic presidential debates took place this week, and 20 of the 24 candidates finally got to introduce themselves and their platforms to Americans not arguing on Twitter. That is objectively far too many people — it is difficult to know 20 people intimately enough to feel comfortable with them, much less 20 people who are trying to control the United States.
Lots of other websites have detailed explainers about each candidate's policy positions, but we all know there's a far more pure method of distilling each person: Playboi Carti lyrics. So we've paired each of the candidates to a Playboi Carti lyric that best represents their position in the race as it stands right now. Enjoy.
Joe Biden
Joe Biden speaks to the Chicago Council on Global Affairs. November 1, 2017.
Scott Olson/Getty Images
Bernie Sanders
Bernie Sanders at the U.S. Capitol. May 23, 2017.
Win McNamee/Getty Images
"Woke up to niggas sounding like me" from "wokeuplikethis*"
His ideas are now being adopted wholesale by other candidates. But no biter is truly sincere.
Elizabeth Warren
Elizabeth Warren at the Democratic National Convention. July 28, 2016.
Alex Wong/Getty Images
"Wake up and smell the motherfuckin coffee / I’m 'bout to put these boys in a coffin” from "Long Time (Intro)"
Whether or not she wins, she's already bodied a lot of other campaigns.
Kamala Harris
Kamala Harris at Howard University. January 21, 2019.
Al Drago/Getty Images
"Just might call my lawyer, huh" from "EARFQUAKE"
The former California prosecutor made a lot of people call their lawyers.
Cory Booker
Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) at the U.S. Capitol. July 10, 2018.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
"I'm in the hood where niggas don't bother me" from "Middle of the Summer"
Booker is trapping hard with his friend T-Bone.
Amy Klobuchar
Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), at the "We the People" gathering at the Warner Theatre, April 1, 2019.
BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP/Getty Images
"I go psycho, bitch, watch me sock yo' bitch" from "R.I.P."
Former staff members accused her of emotional abuse, but she says that proves she has what it takes to... stand up to Russia.
Marianne Williamson
Kirsten Gillibrand
Kirsten Gillibrand at the Democratic National Convention at the Wells Fargo Center. July 25, 2016.
Drew Angerer/Getty Images
"That boy dead / Arm and a leg" from "No Time"
After bravely taking a stand against a senator's sexual harassment, party insiders took their revenge by torpedoing her campaign. Damn.
Pete Buttigieg
Mayor Pete Buttigieg speaks at Madhouse Coffee. April 8, 2019.
Ethan Miller/Getty Images
"I can't fuck with niggas" from "Had 2"
A white-on-black police shooting in the Mayor's South Bend has exposed some qWhite troublesome blind spots.
Beto O'Rourke
Beto O'Rourke at the University of Texas in El Paso, Texas. November 5, 2018.
PAUL RATJE/AFP/Getty Images
"This feelin' like a story that been wrote before" from "Damn Shame"
Hope newspapers are keeping "Beto Loses" headlines ready.
Julian Castro
Julian Castro at the Warner Theatre. April 1, 2019.
BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP/Getty Images
"I guess you're not feelin' me / Not feelin' the energy" from "Flex"
He should have been a frontrunner. Then Mayor Pete happened.
Tulsi Gabbard
Tulsi Gabbard at a press conference in Washington DC. February 15, 2019.
ERIC BARADAT/AFP/Getty Images
“I’m a soldier, damn I thought I told you” from "Magnolia"
Right-wingers love her for some reason. Maybe that's why.
Mike Gravel
Mike Gravel at the Cox Pavilion at UNLV. March 24, 2007.
Ethan Miller/Getty Images
"100 round drum killin' everybody" from "Choppa Won't Miss"
His campaign is run by two teenagers who tweet insults at almost every other candidate all day. Cool.
Andrew Yang
Andrew Yang at The Wall Street Journal's "The Future of Everything Festival." May 22, 2019.
Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images
"All these hoes want cash" from "Magnolia"
MAGA freak fave Yang's pet policy proposal is Universal Basic Income: $1,000 a month for everyone. He's got a big future in the right-wing media circuit.
Bill de Blasio
Mayor Bill de Blasio speaks at a press conference. December 4, 2014.
Andrew Burton/Getty Images
Jay Inslee
Jay Inslee at the Bezos Center for Innovation at the Museum of History and Industry. October 11, 2013.
David Ryder/Getty Images
"I'd rather not talk about it just do that shit" from "dothatshit!"
He's one of the few candidates that puts the urgency of climate disaster front and center.
Michael Bennett
Michael Bennet in the U.S. Capitol. April 17, 2018.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
John Hickenlooper
Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper at the Brookings Institution's Middle Class Initiative. October 10, 2018.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
Wayne Messam
Wayne Messam at Florida Memorial University in Miami Gardens, Florida.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
Seth Moulton
Seth Moulton in Manchester, New Hampshire. April 23, 2019.
Scott Eisen/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
Tim Ryan
Tim Ryan speaks during the North American Building Trades Unions Conference at the Washington Hilton. April 10, 2019.
Zach Gibson/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
Steve Bullock
Montana Gov. Steve Bullock at a coffee shop in Iowa. May 17, 2019.
Steve Pope/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
Joe Sestak
John Delaney
Eric Swalwell
Rep. Eric Swalwell speaks at the BB&T Center. April 9, 2019.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images
"What" from "What"
