The brilliance of GFOTY, which stands for Girlfriend Of The Year, is that you're never exactly sure when she's kidding or being serious. Her deadpan sing-speaking conveys some sort of unearthly teenage ennui, but over Skype from her bedroom in London, she is ebullient and opinionated. Some of the things she tells us about her life seem almost too absurd to be true—like buying "bad stuff" for her face to make her complexion worse. But when she actually showed us the name of an imaginary 12-year-old boy she has tattooed on her butt, we realized the line between fact and fiction—between GFOTY the human and GFOTY the artist—is even blurrier than we thought.
TATTOOS
GFOTY: "When I was 18, I had this dream that I broke up with my boyfriend because he was gross and mean and he broke my Playstation. So I broke up with him in real life and went back to sleep. Then I had another dream that he told this 12-year-old boy named Milford Tightner to 'Pretend GFOTY molested you.' Then, all of a sudden, the police came to my house. They were like, 'Milford Tightner said you were doing all this weird stuff with him' and I was denying everything but my ex-boyfriend was like, 'You totally did it' and sneering at me while holding the Playstation he broke. When I woke up I was like, "That's the best name!" So I got 'Milford Tightner' tattooed on my butt.
I have other tattoos: one is dedicated to my favorite bed linen designer, Ralph Lauren. I have a diamond because I don't know if anyone is ever gonna propose to me, and I have the number 31 because of the line about tattoos in The Offspring song, "Pretty Fly For A White Guy." He asked for a 13, but they drew a 31."
CLOTHES
GFOTY: "I'm obviously all about designer brands, so I shop at places like the Gap. I don't know if you guys have TJ Maxx but they have really good bargains going on; sometimes you can find Armani Exchange for like, 18 pounds. I like to go to Forever 21 when I'm feeling a bit rich and frivolous with the 40 pounds I made from doing magic tricks in Camden Town. Oh yeah, I'm a little bit of a magician. Otherwise, I just mix and match. This Quicksilver sweatshirt I'm wearing (not pictured) is my favorite buy. I wear it with my New Balance sneakers. Quicksilver is a go-to."
FOOD
GFOTY: "Organic food is disgusting—don't even talk to me about that shit. It's made for the gross moms in the world who push their prams and lecture you. It's so gross. I get Dominos pizza probably four times a week. If I'm feeling experimental, I'll go for the Hawaiian, because a bit of pineapple on the pizza just sends you off to the Caribbean like mad. I feel like I'm getting a tan the second I order it.
I just finished pastry school at Le Cordon Bleu, and I've got a job but it's kind of shit because I only get to make lemon tarts. Lemon tarts are nice, but I just want to make cronuts and shit. My dream pastry would have a really cushion-y base. If Ryan Hemsworth were a pastry cream, he'd be the main filling. It'd be like Ryan Hemsworth-flavored, and then it would be glittery with marshmallow and falafel. Nothing organic."
SKINCARE
GFOTY: "This one is actually serious. I cared about my face too much, and I was like 'This is actually a bit disgusting.' So, I bought some really bad stuff for my skin to make it a bit worse, so then I could turn it around myself—like a project. Obviously, I spend all my money to party and shit, so for skincare I just use water and whatever else I've got in my kitchen, like vinegar and toothpaste. Toothpaste really helps a blemish once in a while."
HOBBIES
"GFOTY: I just absolutely love Facebook. I sit on Facebook for hours on end and do nothing. Hours and hours. Sometimes I'll see a week go by where all I've done is just sit on fucking Facebook. It's so nice. I just go through my ex-boyfriends' Facebook pages to see what they're up to and to look at their new girlfriends. I keep a book of all my ex-boyfriends and everything I liked about them. I leave it by my pillow every night, unless a guy comes around in which case I put it underneath my pillow—but it never leaves the bed. When I'm feeling sad I look at it and cry. I like to cry. When I'm feeling happy I look at the book and I say, "You know, this is your fault." Then I punch the book and go back on Facebook."
Lead image: Organ Armani
All other photos provided by GFOTY