Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things...like this list of trademarks that Taylor Swift recently scored, presumably in preparation for the mountain of merch opportunities that her upcoming world tour, which kicks off in May, will provide. The internet is already roiling over the fact that she nabbed This Sick Beat, a lyric from the worst part of one of 1989's lesser songs—but there's some serious marketing genius in the other 'marks she scored, from Could Show You Incredible Things to Nice To Meet You, Where You Been?, both of which I would proudly wear as T-shirts.
Let's be real, though: as the greatest example of Tumblr-as-album that the 2010s has supplied (sorry, Lana), there's plenty of potent quotables on 1989 that would look just fantastic on a messenger bag, or coffee mug, or beach towel, or—oh! I'm sorry, I passed out for a second, I was getting excited about buying Taylor Swift merch. Here's some missed opportunities that, in our "Wildest Dreams" (ha), would be front and center in any arena concessions area.
1. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Like, this is so obvious—for Christ's sake, Tay-Tay paraphrased it herself while addressing and subsequently shaking off the whale-joke-ridden social media hacking she so recently endured. Is it the word "hate," maybe? Not enough love? Or is this quote one of the many assumed aces in the hole that her marketing team are saving for her 2016 Intergalactic Tour?
2. You've got that James Dean daydream look in your eye
I'm assuming this one couldn't be used because James Dean's estate probably has copyrighted his likeness—maybe James Deen could pitch in?
3. Baby, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
Another "COME ON, GUYS!" Like, go to Tumblr right now and type in "nightmare dressed like a daydream"—gold, Jerry, gold. You can use this still from the "Blank Space" video! (In case you were wondering, yes: this entire post doubles as my application for the position of Taylor Swift's brand manager.)
4. Are we out of the woods yet, are we out of the woods
I am very certain that "Are we out of the woods" would've made a great slogan encapsulating 2014 in general, and, hey—Taylor released a song called "Out of the Woods" in 2014, this isn't coincidence. (Admire my restraint for not throwing up an #illuminati hashtag—except I just did, so never mind.) Any merch containing this phrase would be kind of like 1989 itself: neurotic twentysomethings would eat this the fuck up, even if they didn't want to admit publicly that they do.
5. I wish you were right here, right now, it's all good
I'm as much a Jack Antonoff stan as I am a Taylor-holic, so I have a special affinity for "I Wish You Would," the better of the two Antonoff co-writes on 1989 that sounds like someone driving a car really fast while simultaneously staring into the headlights, confronting mortality and loneliness with the passion of a late-afternoon caffeine rush. All is to say, I've thought a lot about this song, and I wish you were right here, right now, it's all good is actually my favorite lyric that appeared in any pop song in 2014. Put it on a fanny pack, Taylor—for me, if for no one else.
6. The lonely Starbucks lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane
Okay, okay, not an actual lyric—but we all think it is. I actually don't know the right lyric, still, and I listen to 1989 at least five times a week. Tell me that Starbucks wouldn't get into business real-deal with T-Swift and put this on a fuckin' plastic iced coffee cup that you could buy for $56.99 at the KFC Double Down Arena or wherever these concerts will be happening.
That's what I thought.
7. Welcome to New York, it's been waiting for you
Too on the nose? NOTHING'S TOO ON THE NOSE IN CAPITALISM, BABY. I would gladly buy an Empire State Building-shaped foam finger, Knicks jersey, or, like, 40 Oz Van snapback that says "Welcome to New York, it's been waiting for you." In conclusion, I am someone who's probably very irresponsible with disposable income.
Lead image: Jason Merritt/Getty Images
